Since this year i spent as an art student, Insomnia has really taken over me. i don't know if it was the stress i had during this year, growing up like a real adult, or the fact that i still consider myself like a brat. I may spend the most tiresome day, i still can't get sleepy before 7-8 am. Specialy since i spent almost a month at the Grenat's home, where i would go to bed at 4 o'clock and just gaze upon the landscape of the urban jungle that is Paris. Meanwhile, it's really cool to see a city when you're on the 32th floor of a building. I mean, i could litteraly see everything. but anyways, the subject isn't here at all.
By the title " Moving the shit on", we may think i want to talk about moving on about something, perhaps a friendship, or a relationship, or life itself. Actualy, not. It's about my own personnality.
During this year, i could really feel a change. I couldn't feel happy, but not sad at the same time. I still had this carelessness i've always had. I still feel like i have a lot to learn, that everything that happened, economical crysis, familial crysis or even my own head, i felt it like an experience. It kinda looks like a diary, where you write everything that occured, and just put arrows besides it that points out an outcome. That's how i've always acted, exept this year, i thought too much about it. I tried to learn a better self control, i ended up soiling it. I tried being motivated from the beggining till the end, i ended up stopping near the end. i tried being a better person, a better man, i don't know shit about the outcome. Kinda depressing right? finding out that most of your goals burned up to ashes. Yet, that's so stupid. One thing that i know that haven't changed, is that depressing about it won't change anything, specialy if you don't do shit to solve it.
Most of all, i had all my revelations during this summer, at the end of july. Oddly enough, it was at the moment where i should have been depressed. Broking up, being deceived by some friends, still feeling my own economical issues. Yet, I wasn't. I was for 20 minutes, tops. And to be honest, i wondered why? That's kind of fucked up not feeling shit about it. That's when it occured to me: it's because i was in the right place a the best time. In other words, i was happy, and i could say it. And it sounds so stupid saying it, but the awnser was so simple, easy as eating a cheesecake. I had everything I needed, a thing that wasn't supposed to be felt there, but it was. The feeling of being home. I felt like having a mother I love, and that loved me. That's kinda of a fucking oedipus complex isn't it? But not. All i needed, was the right simples things. Kinda makes you think about Welcome to Zombieland: " Rule 37 Enjoy the little things". And those night, i took the most important decision for my next year: Don't regret your words, don't ask yourself too many questions. If shit is like that, then it simply is.
And now, just like we said with the last friend of Creteil that i saw, i will follow those words, or at least do my best to follow them.
No, more, annoying, fucking, Drama.
