It's quite surprising i got theses when i'm suposed to have a break,
Guess that means it's not really easy to break from your chains, yet you can temporary free yourself from some.
It's getting hard to not be able to sleep. Being able to sleep is a sign to show that you're at peace.
Yet i'm not, i have my Stress.
The power he has over mine, his authority, his blood,
Stress of the beggining of adulthood, responsability.
Stress of still fearing what moves he reserves.
It all goes down to Pain.
The Fear of pain is understandable because of it's variety.
There is Pain, and there is pain.
People are not really afraid of death, they're either afraid of not living enough, or of the pain of dying. And because there are so many ways of feeling pain, this is why we fear it.
Cut, a punch, a dislocated arm, or ripping an arm. each method has it own intensity of dose.
And surely because there is corporal pain, and moral pain.
We don't realise how much feeling without pain is good until it strikes.
And then, when it's constantly here, you can get used to it, but you can't forget it's here.
It's all connected. Everthing is connected.
My pain, due to my stress and moral pressure, caused my insomnia.
And my insomnia helps me wonder about usefull or unusefull things.
Now the sun is rising, and here i am, laying down on my matress, with my earphone and a smoke, writing and stuff, passing time.
Planning of what i'm going to do when people will wake up.
One thing that I know, is that there will be the same fucking everyday fight with him.
So why not releave our stress, spent our accumulated energy to punch.
it's one way to ease ourselves.
You can mindlessly fight someone, not to show who's the strongest, just to ease yourself.
Just don't fuck things up.
Or you could stress out being with the one,
Sadly she's not there.
I don't have any shame to admit it, it's hard to live without her after this one week.
I can still remember that morning, or should i say afternoon,
after a wild party, after a night with a new found friend and old ones.
One call, and anger mixed up with tears flowed into me.
Knowing that there's worse won't solve things up, all you have to do is fight back.
First of all, grab a smoke, pour me some coffee, and let's on with it.
I am what they call theses days somebody who's more into "open relationships", in other words, someone who never settles downs, like a nomad. This was my lifestyle for one whole year. Being free of the rules than a relationship cast upon you is great. Nothing to justify, no jealousy, no nothing. For one year, i could feel it, who much i was free from what everybody around me searches for. It's not that it's not my style, it's just how I feel. This once and forever rule of union wasnj't made for me, and it still isn't. Each person has it's own caracteristics. You can easly guess them but analysing them, or simply talking to them. You might find some friendly, but be aware of what you actualy generaly talk about, you'll realise there's no depth in it. Be aware of what you might call love, you can be mistaken so easly. Be aware, you might be able to throw out your life for someone, and it's not actual love. It's a strong bond. There, we're getting to the main point. What's the difference between a Strong Bond and love? In love, there's also sexual attraction. But you can fuck with a strong bond, you just have to be very mature to support it. Complicated yeah i know. But after all, aren't humains, the race knowed as the one who likes to complicate things up? if not fuck it up? Actualy, the wrong part, the SO human part of all this, is the wish to label everything, everyone. Why not rely only on feelings? What do you feel in yours guts? I have to admit, this is how i realised, after a long time getting to know her, when she asked me clearly if she was important to me, that yes, she is. And this week and a half i spent with her in paris could only tell me that it's true, i can say it. I love her.
