Be Yourself

Someone finds salvation in everyone
And another only pain
Someone tries to hide himself
Down inside himself he prays
Someone swears his true love
Until the end of time
Another runs away
Separate or united?
Healthy or insane?

To be yourself is all that you can do

And even when you've paid enough, been pulled apart or been held up

With every single memory of the good or bad faces of luck

don't lose any sleep tonight

I'm sure everything will end up alright

You may win or lose

But to be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do

_______________________________________________________

Okay, deuxième tentation a un article en Français, voyons ce que ca donne:

Est-ce si dur que cela d'être soi-même? Est-ce si dur de savoir comment on fonctionne? Non, ce ne l'est pas. Et pourtant, peu le sont, peu le savent. C'est si triste. Manque d'assurance. Manque de confiance. Peur. Paranoïa. Crainte. Changement. C'est Normal, c'est des étapes. Des simples étapes vers un but.

Un But

Toujours un but, même si on s'en rends pas compte. On peut en trouver partout. Un but peut même se trouver après avoir déjà commence d'entreprendre un certain chemin.Et pourtant, vous avez peur du changement.

Et quand un malheur vous tombe dessus, vous blâmez les autres.Les autres. Bien sur, même Sartre le disait, "l'enfer c'est les autres". Mais est-ce vraiment leur faute? Bien sur, c'est des facteurs, certainement même des raisons. Mais si on était différent a ce moment la, la conséquence n'aurait-elle pas changée? J'en doute absolument pas. Pas tout dépends de nous, mais nous sommes nos propres responsables.

Il t'a manipulée? Et si tu étais plus forte, plus sure de toi, cela n'aurait-il pas changer?

Et la on arrive a ceux qui blâment la bonne personne, ceux qui se blâment eux-même. Et ça veut pas changer, ca a peur, ca dis qu'on peut pas comprendre... D'accord. Tant que tu ne dise jamais, que t'es le seul a qui ca arrive et que ta vie est insignifiante.

C'est Idiot, je me donne a moi-meme mes propres conseils, histoire de toujours me rappeller comment je marche. Pas besoin d'un guide detaille pour savoir comment notre organisme moral fonctionne, mais quelques notes sont toujours de bon conseils.

Fuck it all, forget her, Hit him. Enjoy

Trouble Trouble

Trouble is fun

Trouble is bad

Trouble makes you feel alive.

Oui, bon, pour une fois, j'ecris en francais. je ne vais pas changer mes habitudes completement, c'est a dire pour les fautes, les accents et autres complexitees de l'ecriture francais, faites avec.

C'etait previsible apres tout. J'avais tout prevu, toutes menaces, toutes propositions. Et pourtant, le fait d'en arrive jusqu'a la, ca m'a quand meme destabilise. Et pourtant, je connaisais deja mes reponses. Prevoir c'est une chose, l'assumer s'en est une autre.Et je savais que j'allais encore une fois passer par une "crise". Des crises qui m'ont toujours impressionne, par l'effet que ca peut provoquer sur un corps, par le simple pouvoir de cette chose qu'on appelle le Cerveau. Et comme je l'ai toujours dis, " ne jamais sous-estime le pouvoir du cerveau". J'ai beau avoir des phrases pour tout, je ne les applique pas toujours, pour le simple fait que je ne pense pas.

Et je savais pas que j'irais aussi loin,

j'ai pourtant deja depasse mes limites avec les mots, et j'en garde une tres belle marque.

mais physiquement? je ne suis jamais alle TROP loin. Loin certes, mais jamais de trop. J'ai deja frapper avec l'intention de m'amuser, dans l'intention de faire du mal pour provoquer le regret des actes des autres, et tellement d'autres raisons. Je prends mon pieds a cela, faire du mal a certaines personnes. Russian roullette on pourrais dire, avec une grande dose d'egoisme. Mais la, j'en reviens pas...

Mais la reaction des gens m'impressionne. Une en a rapidement derive de la question, l'autre s'est inquiete sur mon etat juridique et ce qui pourrait m'arriver a cause de cela, et la derniere sur mon etat moral. Mais dans ce genre de situation, on a besoin d'une voix, pas d'ecrit. J'en ai donc parler a une personne que je connaisais a peine. Et elle m'a ete d'un grand support. Et elle m'en as parler des siens. Et 'est impresionnant ce qu'une personnepeut vivre. Surtout une si belle personne, si sympathique et fetarde. C'etait impresionnant. L'etre humain est impresionnant, aussi previsible et comprehensible qu'il est.

Merci Angie, Merci Caroline, Merci M.

Merci Shana...

This is just weird. French is just not my natural language. I doesn't matter how good i am with it, it's just not confortable, just not like myself. Evene if recently, i never felt "frenchier" than before, it's just too weird.

Oh well, now i got something to cheer up on. Like maybe...

THE BLOODY BEETROOTS

à Montpellier (34) - Le Rockstore

le Mardi 06 Avril 2010 à 20h00

And the fact that i am changing. She may be toyin', she may be true. But damn she changed me

_________________________________________________

Blacked out

____________________________________________________________

I don't know why, but since last entry, i feel like i lost my ability to feel anything. Before going further, i already know it's a state. Human body and human mind is a fucking simple thing to understand. And nope, i'm not mopping my "sorrows" on this blog. I just write.

Write write write.

I'm forging myself a track, a road, of where my mind went through, or at least how it felt at the exact moment i wrote, because i hate fucing writing everything. It';s like that, letting my nimble fingers slip through the keys. No questions asked, no reflection, it's just BAM!

and yeah, human mind, seriously, sometimes i wonder why people are still trying to figure it out how it works. There is no simple mecanics, just thing to remember how it worked, and get it memorized. Experience, live, and you'll fucking learn.

She hates it when you're sending her some lovey-dovey messages? Then fucking stop!

He hates it when you're jealous? Then fucking get dumped!

You don't feel loved enough? stop whining and open the door, not only your hearts's, your actual fucking door, and speak.

Nothing complicated here, just somethings that we can't change, only predict, yet get over it.

...where were I again? oh yeah... hum, now that i look at it, it's kind of paradoxal.

I think that i figured out how a human mind's work, yet i'm still wondering about their incompentence to understand it. But hey, ain't that the awnser? Fucking incompentence.

gah i really lost myself there.

Fuck it, lost it

You'll see

I'm Bringin' Sexyback.

You mother fuckers watch how I attack
If that’s your girl you better watch your back
Cause she’ll burn it up for me and that’s a fact.

__________________________________________________________________________________

Sex, Drugs, alcohol, Music, Dancing,

Toyin', Seducin', laughtin', anticipating.

That was about Friday night.

Eyes, this is a good charm.

But i just can't live without those feelings.

Just like some artist said, but in another context:

Don't want to think about it

Don't want to talk about it

I'm just so sick about it

Can't believe it's ending this way

Just so confused about it

Feeling the blues about it

it's impressive how you can match some lyrics so well into some completly different context.

But recently, my mind got blowed by many things:

Changes in my new life.

My conflict with my father.

Fighting with a close friend.

Having one raped.

Passing from being a High Schooler to a Student.

and the most important of all,

Changing faces.

Changing emotions with different people.

Power is something to fear when you realise what it can give you.

And i had one, a really fun one.

I always love using it.

It's fun to see people's reaction.

I always knew my limit.

But somehow, i still didn't completly cared.

And sometimes, i still surprise myself.

When i saw how she, an ex of mine, one that I really loved, and ended up in good terms, was being tortured by someone just like me, it was... irritating.

Plus, he's doing what i did back there, striking the worst moment possible.

Because we can

Because it's FUN

when it doesn't happens to us

and when it doesn't happens to who we love.

and Again, i could spent a good night with that Punk.

I didn't last as long as we had planned, but it was predicatble, we had our parties, so our energies were out.

And, even though in apperance i talk the most.

It's perfect.

She finds the right words that i need. Words that makes me think.

" Do you regret something?"

That was the staring block.

We all have our regrets. we all want to change something in us.

we all want perfection.

But, sometimes people don't realises that regret is everywhere.

You can ignore it for a long time, but it's still here, you just never think about it. And not thinking about it doesn't mean you can't feel it. I have my memeto for this, but it's not like i never forget it.

Damn, she is good.

Damn, she is just what i needed right now.

Damn, i'm happy about it.

But even today, i used it again.

Because i can, because we all can. All it takes is guts.

oh wait... Guts or being iresponsable?

I just never think about, and i won't.

That's just how i enjoy it.

I love playing this game, where she know that she is being toyed, and that her feelings are what's killing her.

And now you want somebody

To cure the lonely nights

You wish you had somebody

That could come and make it right

But girl I ain't somebody with a lot of sympathy

You'll see

And that's true. I'm easy going, but real sympathy is almost never there.

Damn, i could feel guilty. When she saw me dancing with someone i met one night before,

when she saw me kissing her.

when i laughted at her when she started yelling.

But, as always, humans after all.

We may don't have a gun, but we have something worse:

Words.

After all, everything that happens you, happens because of you. Stop blaming the others, only you can control your ride.

The others are only the roads you take, just like your feelings and your decisions.

so that's it for tonight.

____________________________________________________________________

Everytime i try to break free

well, just like the songs says,

Everytime i try to break free

Then something comes along
Something comes along
Something comes along to intervene
My heart’s skipping, skipping
And I don’t know why
I know after all
But every time I try , every time I try
Something pulls me back to the start.

It started again. Two days ago actualy

To be more specific, right after my last party for a long time.

It just happened like that.

Plans of escaping to Belgium cancelled

Trip to avignon delayed

Bac Blanc in one week

Father comming in two

and there goes off my brains.

For the last Two days i didn't stopped to fuck things up.

Now the shit is too big to be avoided.

i'll have to restrain myself for a time:

hanging out, smoking, partying, writing, drawing, day dreaming.

Have you ever felt this way? when you know what you're going to miss and when? That not only you won't be able to do those little things that cheers you up, but that somethings, some actions, SOMEONE, is comming and brings with him only wrath and tears?

That's what's happening.

from day 14th febuary till 9th of March.

This is what it's going to happen.

he's comming.

And we will decide once and for all everything.